So in this video I would like to build upon an idea that is shared in the last with you.
And this was at all times under all situations were either going to be choosing to connect with people
or we're going to unconsciously for consciously be choosing to disconnect with people.
So here I want to share with you the communications spectrum the attitude that we take towards are interactions
with other people that kind of sit on the positive helpful useful side of the fence and then sometimes
the R2 attitude that we take towards people and our interactions with them that certain unhelpful side
of the fence know what I'm going to boldly suggest right here right now is that academia and many higher
education or establishments and many common cultural ways of learning actually set us up for epic failure
of mass proportions in life.
All right I want to think back to when I was study in the social sciences psychology especially in back
then I didn't actually know any better.
And I remember sitting in my classroom alongside many of my pimply faced peers.
And you know the best thing about teenagers and young people they've got an opinion about absolutely
everything.
Don't they.
You know they like to assume that there's no degree of truth.
I say receipt of that which they've experienced the way that they see things must be the way that things
are actually are because they've read loads of books don't have any life experience but I've definitely
read loads of books so what happens when people are going through school or perhaps maybe in college
university study in the diplomas and get the degrees that debates taught me you know when one person
says well I see things this way and they're talking about one worldview one perspective and then someone
says I disagree.
That's not right because the way that I see things is like this.
So let's just think back to the idea of the mountain that we've looked at a couple of times through
the course.
See for example two people are climbing a mountain in life.
They both got walkie talkies.
One person is claiming the north face.
The other person's claim in the south face.
They're both looking at the same mountain.
All right.
But if both people both people were to compare notes and talk with each other about what they're seeing
right directly in front of themselves one person might be talking about marshland.
Will I see marshland I see trees in this personal boat here.
This will I don't see trees and I only see sheer rock face right.
What are you talking about.
And these trees are there and this person says well yes they are icy trees.
No I don't I see rock face you're wrong.
No you're wrong you're wrong you're wrong and more people both parties are more interested in being
right there for what they are and understanding each other.
So let's build upon this idea of attending people.
Let's look at this communication spectrum.
First things first it's important to acknowledge that all communications should be dialogue by nature.
No this is a video based course.
And I've attended I've worked through some video based courses in the past and some of them are found
to be more engaging than others.
The kinds of online trainings and videos that I find very very disengaging.
Generally when a person standing there Death by PowerPoint.
I could stand here right now and just read off this PowerPoint.
So my name's Katie Ramsey today I'm here to teach you how to communicate.
Today we want to talk about monologue vs. dialogue.
Monologue is a speech given by a character to express his thoughts and feelings to other characters
or to the intended audience.
Dialogue refers to a conversation between two or more characters in a work of literature remember that
one.
We're going to test you in this monologue involves only one character.
Dialogue involves two or more characters or two more people.
Take note of that one.
It might come up in the quiz monologue is a speech given by our character.
Dialogue is a conversation between characters between two people monologues are less commonly used than
dialogues dialogues are more commonly used than monologues.
So hope you've taken some notes and you'll be tested upon this at the end of the semester.
No how do you feel about that.
All right.
That that was this conversation was that teaching style more like a monologue.
Write me just talking one way Archer or is this we better.
Well I'm engaging with you in more of a monologue.
We're going on a journey together.
Are you catching what I'm cookin.
Are you understanding what I'm talking about.
Do you.
Are you able to recognize the difference between monologue and dialogue because some people go through
life completely unaware of the difference.
Some people are very very good monologue ing other people to death.
Let's think about a conversation or interaction we've had with someone and this person just starts talking
to us not talking with us talking about us.
And you can get them to shut up and they just talk about themselves and they talk about the weather
and they talk about every artsy fartsy thought that pops through their minds on the conversation just
goes in all sorts of directions.
And after a round about ten minutes you light you tapping your foot you're looking at your watch just
thinking of when we'll have a conversation and I'm just getting talked out here.
This person doesn't shut up and here's the thing.
What most people want is they want meaningful connection but unless we are fighting for meaningful connection
we are unconsciously going to be choosing this connection.
All right.
Guess what monologue does with our intended audience.
That's right.
Severs that connection.
Why.
Because healthy communication is always a two way street is about sending and receiving information
is about an information or an ideas exchange isn't it.
Where I'm going to give you a little bit of me.
You are gonna give me a little bit if you were going to do a little dance we're gonna get to know each
other.
We're gonna get connected and figure things out.
So important to just understand this and recognize that the coaching process must always be dialogue.
All right we must be engaging with the other person what they have to say and how their experience in
us is just as important as how we are experiencing them.
Are you with me all right.
We sometimes get blinded to this as human beings and this is why this communication spectrum kicks into
play.
All right here's the borderline here's the horizon.
We're talking happens here.
There's an unhealthy way of communicating and then there's a healthy engaging way of communicating.
We are going to know whom we're communicating well because other people are gonna be engaged in us.
They're going to be hanging off our every word and they will be responding to us kindly bouncing off
us.
We'll be complimenting them.
They'll be complimenting us.
Interaction becomes healthy it becomes quite a life giving.
Or if we're communicating in an unhealthy way and this is kind of like conventional education or many
training establishments do they'll deliver a talk or a speech or a presentation.
So please pull out you know books get ready to take some notes.
I'm going to be testing you at the end of today's lecture.
Once you've had a debate so here's some ideas.
Monologue involves only one character dialogue involves two or more characters.
Please have a debate about this and then all the pimply faced students come out.
Well I don't agree.
I disagree I agree.
I think this I think that neither party are interested in understanding each other which in terms of
a ten ends in conflict.
All right let's look at politics.
Let's look at religion.
A religion which has pretty much been the root in the start of pretty much every single war this ever
happened around the world.
When one political party off are religious mindset conflicts and disagrees with another political party
of another religious mindset and then they go to conflict and then what happens people withdraw.
And I disagree with you.
I'm right you're wrong you're bad.
It's time for me to see Cicely abuse you or wipe out your entire nation.
That's an extreme example but can you see how things go all right.
All Starts With debate.
Give you another little example here and this is something that I do my best to address respectfully
inside of our Facebook community.
No obviously Facebook is a social media channel so there's only so much control you have over how people
interact and so we do our best to keep conversations mature and life giving and healthy.
But every now and again someone comes along all right and someone will be engaging in a relatively open
conversation will be talking something talking through something that I've covered and one of the courses
and you've got a whole bunch of people all a goal just it's not about agreeing with each other but they're
just building upon ideas the sharing examples of sharing stories and they're coming to some sort of
conclusion then some little Know-It-All comes along and says I disagree I disagree.
How I see things is this way and this is right because it's my experience right.
And how I see things is rock face is sheer cliff face all right.
And here's the thing then what was a healthy conversation becomes completely unhealthy.
A whole lot of people end up withdraw the getting the conflict.
Then someone ends up getting abused.
You must be stripped because you're getting things wrong and this is how quickly things can spiral out
of control.
But it starts when people talk at each other and debate with each other instead of striving to understand
each other.
Here with me right this is where engagement comes into play.
I'm doing my best to engage with you right now.
Why.
Because I want you to get this stuff.
Why.
Because I already appreciate that the ideas that I'm sharing with you are ideas that I do my best to
practice in my own life and help me get results.
So I'm not perfectly but certainly get better results today than what I got in 10 years ago when I didn't
understand any of this stuff.
Life is a progression and us are our communication so what I'm saying is right.
This this model here allows us to identify whether we're choosing disconnection or whether we choose
and connection all right.
It's entirely up to you what you want.
If you want conflict then withdrawal and abuse then debate your heart's content.
Disagree with people to your heart's content.
If being right makes you feel better about yourself so be it but it's certainly not going to win you
any friends in fact is going to do a pretty good job of leaving you quite alienated and isolated.
If you want a better caliber of relationship in your life especially in the context of your of your
coaching clients then it's imperative that you talk with them not them top people and choose debates
or talk with people and engage.
Right so here's some ideas here's what I see.
What do you see.
Oh my goodness.
Let's see if we can understand what we're both talking about here together so that I understand your
intentions and so that you understand mine so that we can actually build this relationship on a healthy
foundation of trust.
Are you with me.
Is this okay.
This is all about attending people.
If we're talking about them we're not attending.
We're pretty much just dismiss and when we are attending people we're engaging with them.
We appreciate that other people have had their lives have got their stories they've got their experiences
they've interpreted life the way that they have done and in time if we appreciate them they will come
to appreciate us.
But it starts with our openness and our receptiveness offer them here with me.
So this is the communication spectrum.
It's important that we just use this example monologue versus dialogue.
Just tell her what our natural communication style would be.
Are you the kind of person that just talks that people in a monologue fashion which ultimately leaves
your choose and disconnect or connect.
Or are you the kind of person who moving forward might identify know that dialogue.
Working with people conversing with people is a lot healthier and also very very different than talking
at people like you.
Think about this one.
My friends are I'll see you again in the next clip.